THIS IS THE TITLE OF A BLOG I HAVE POSTED ON THE INTERNET. . . IT IS ABOUT MY HAIR.

Ok so I am pretty sure that on a subconscious level the parents that I interview with would prefer not to have a girl with fire engine red hair and tattoos be in charge of their babies. I dont think they realize this but when given the choice between me and anyone else, even though they have a dull personality their brains just naturally gravitate towards those who are most aesthetically agreeable...thusly the red will be no more after this weekend.

I ALWAYS get every nanny position I interview for. In fact in the past I had the opportunity to weigh my options and decide where is the closest, and who is paying the most. Lately I have gotten no calls back and the only thing that has changed in my hair....and I have more experience. So either some mother is trying to destroy my reputation and calling ever mother in chicago to tell them I suck OR these people just subconsciously (or maybe consciously) assume that I am not responsible. I am not above dying my hair a natural color foir money..Im really not. You want me to put cover-up all over my arms? Sure! You are probably not exactly the type of people I want to be around if you make me do that but money is the same coming from anyone even if they suck. I have a very adaptable work ethic. I dont give a shit. I just want to be able to afford my own things and not rely on anyone else in my family (minus food and shelter... even though the food in our house generally isnt what I would choose to eat but whatever I can't complain). BUT! when I am so broke that I can't afford ANYTHING at all I will change my appearance. I really don't care.

In other news.... Nothing. There is no other news. I cant go anywhere. I don't have money.

GUHHHRRRRRR

Turns out that losing 25-30 pounds still isn't a flattering look on me. Don't you hate that when you think you are doing well and then the reality fairy comes and fucks you hard and says, "hey look! you are still fat, and still very poor!" and then you cry yourself to sleep eating leftover halloween candy.

because I totally hate that.

Well what else could I possibly do.

I actually believe it or not have lots of creative juices flowing through me that I absolutely suppress because I am surrounded by people who think I am weird and nerdy. I don't mean that in the way that it has become really hip to become "nerdy" in an ironic way (or to quote a good comedian Chelsea Peretti, "I saw this girl, she was very cute but she was wearing a t-shirt and it said: ‘I Heart Nerds’ on it. I was just looking at her and I was like, ‘God, I wish I could make her force fuck an engineer with cystic acne for just hours and hours and hours.’ Until she was just like, ‘Alright, I don’t heart nerds. I heart good-looking guys who wear eyeglasses. That’s what I heart.) ... I mean I am actually a fucking weirdo who likes musicals and whos best friend is  movies. . that kind of nerdy. Certainly nerdy enough to start a blog ..though I feel like a real nerd would use proper grammar so who knows. My point is I have a lot of friends and family but that doesn't stop most of them from thinking all my decisions are awful and embarrassing. To be fair to them a lot of them are but you can not expect someone who grew up liking the shining AND les miserables to be well adjusted. It doesn't happen. ever.

I guess what I'm getting at (if you are still with me and havent killed yourself reading my unorganized train of thought) is that I wanted to start a blog but I put it off because its fucking weird and nerdy ...but I am going to do it anyway. I also think that people who never seen me in person and only look at my facebook probably think I am incredibly vain and narcissistic. They also probably think I have a lot of rage problems.... but let me wipe away any traces of doubt you may have about that:yes, both are true but if choose to continue with this blog you will get to read more about why I make angry statuses ALL THE TIME.

I also just think that if you are genuinely interested in knowing anything about a person that you dont really get to see other than on facebook..a short, "yay I found a dollar bill in coat! yay life" status isnt really helping you understand anything about a person. . .and you probably resent them a little bit for having the luxury of FINDING money anywhere. I am a nanny and I see kids with piggy banks with more money than me.

I also think that people don't even really have the urge to delve into details about their lives any further than the aforementioned "yay life" status.. Maybe you are super shy or super private but as I get older the more I have an urge to be completely honest and open the less I resist it. We are all human and I like talking about my experiences. I could (and probably will judging by all the shit i ate today..combined with my horrible genes) die tomorrow and no one would know anything about who I was and how I actually felt about being alive. I realize I have a lot of friends with fashion blogs and tumblrs with pictures and shit but I wanted something that closely resembled my xanga days.

I will leave you with a short re-cap of my day that you can have nightmares about as you drift into sleep: Woke up with a giant cut on my lip and carmex is NOT what you want to be putting on open wounds. I like to exercise so I walked about 1.5miles through these cramps I am sure that the devil himself sent to me, ten minutes away from my destination was told my babysitting services were not needed today. Went home thinking about how to afford a train ticket to/from the suburbs this weekend (oh yeah, I wasn't kidding.. I am crazy broke right now) came home to my dog pulling a dead mouse out from underneath the couch :) Thanks to halloween candy and hormones I am not stepping ANYWHERE near the scale!

plus side: My brother made me breakfast and my other brother gave me a copy of "blue valentine" which I have been meaning to get.

Have a good rest of the week.